Hello everyone! I hope you are well. I am sunburned, but got my fair share of people watching done at the amusement park...so I am a happy girl.
So, the title of my post. Intrigued, aren't you? Am I going to be talking about kinky toy catalogs? Possibly wrapping someone in layers of bubble wrap? Flogging with a book of postage stamps?
I will satisfy your curiosity right now. I am not a huge fan of delayed gratification...though sometimes it's fun.
Mark and Everly (see Opposites Attract and the follow-up) are back from their anniversary trip and have sent the prerequisite email bugging me to write their story. I sent the standard "No" reply and asked them about their trip. They said it was fantastic and they met some interesting people when they left their hut to socialize. Interesting eh? I should probably tell you that Mark and Ev went to a "lifestyle friendly" resort. As in "Hey, you give us money, you can do whatever you want as long as it's consensual" kinda place. You may have read about them in a kinky book. Well they aren't fiction and I got to hear what Everly looked liked bound and suspended over crystal blue water. I was slightly envious over the crystal blue water part. So, I know the first question in your head is...
How do they get their "tools of the trade" through airport security and customs? Okay, that probably wasn't your first, second or third question. But it was mine. Frankly, you can't get more than two ounces of shampoo through airport security, never mind feet of rope, six pairs of handcuffs, two pairs of bondage cuffs and other assorted kinky hardware. So I asked. And they answered.
They ship it ahead.
Now you are probably thinking "Duh" but apparently, Mark learned this lesson the hard way. When Mark was traveling extensively, honing his skills in Shibari, he often picked up different items along the way. Ropes, toys, cuffs etc. Now, this was prior to the current security measures, so most of the time he just threw it in his suitcase and went on his way. The metal detectors would pick up on some stuff, but no one really paid it any mind. Until, one day he was picked for a random baggage check. And boy was that cute little lady in for a surprise when she opened his luggage! Mark said he had no less than ten feet of a special kind of rope he had picked up in Japan, some ankle and wrist cuffs, lubricant, a flogger and some weird Japanese sex toy- thing he tried to explain to me but I still don't get. So, after rifling through his luggage, the girl blushed when she got to the lubricant and flogger. She proceeded to stare at him like he had six heads.
So at this point, I am laughing hysterically. And I am laughing because Mark can't lie. He is crappy at it. Everly catches him all the time. I tell him he lies like a man. He said if I keep saying that, he is going to tie me to a chair. So I am wondering how he is going to fib his way out of a visit to security and what I am sure will be a brief cavity search.
"I am a bounty hunter."
Then he proceeds to explain what he uses each of these "tools" for on his bounty hunting jobs. The rope for tying up suspects, the cuffs for restraining them and the flogger for roughing them up if he needs to. Apparently this was all she needed to hear. The bounty hunter thing made TSA girl totally swoon. She didn't even ask what the other "tools" were used for. She had him pack his luggage back up and sent him on through, nearly drooling because she met a real, live bounty hunter.
I must point out that I am practically choking with laughter and disbelief. That is the WORST lie ever. Everly confirms this did indeed happen, because he called her in a panic (yes Mark actually panicked) not because he was afraid of what they would think about him. He panicked because he didn't want them to confiscate his shit! (The rope was specialized and quite pricey, as is the Japanese sex toy doo-dad).
The moral of this story is, when in doubt, ship your kink. Or else TSA agents will be tying each other up with your very expensive rope. :)
LOL!
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