Wow. I am really amazed at some of the emails I have received regarding my Opposites Attract post. So, despite my slight tipsyness (too much Woodchuck at happy hour) I decided to address the one question that seemed to be prevalent throughout the emails. I have included an excerpt of one such email below (with permission):
Jessie,
I think it's lovely the acceptance you have for your friends and what could be considered by most as an alternative lifestyle. It's not at all alternative to me. I am an old hat at BDSM (and I emphasize old because by my rudimentary calculations I have quite a few years on you).
So indulge me by answering a question. I won't even make you call me sir. ;)
Do you plan on re-writing your friend's love story now that you know the "real" story?
I am very interested in your answer.
Warm regard,
R.
R, Thank you for your question. And much to the disappointment of some of you, no I do not plan on writing Mark & Everly's story again. They have asked...several times. But I don't feel like I would do their story justice. This time I am adamant about that. Everly will not be convincing me this time.
My reasons are simple. I am uninformed. I simply know what I have been told, what I have read, or what my friends share. And that just doesn't cut it for me. Yes, I could research. Even find some people to ask questions, but then I think the story becomes something else. It becomes a tourist version of something that means a great deal to people who I care for.
But, I am willing to compromise. With Mark and Everly's permission..I will update folks on how they are doing and share some stories/anecdotes they are comfortable with me sharing. I have encouraged them to blog, but as Mark so eloquently stated "I can't write for shit" so I doubt that will happen soon.
So thanks again for all of the interest in my friends. I broke the cardinal rule of vacation and emailed them to tell them..and they were so excited they made their friends find me on Twitter to get to the post.
They are famous now :)
Have a good evening everyone...more reviews to come soon!
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Opposites Attract
If you are cool...say like me...the first thing that came to mind when you read the title of this post was that delightful Paula Abdul/MC Skat Kat song.
You know it did.
I am actually writing this post to talk about my friends. Don't worry folks, they know I am talking about them. They gave me permission. Well actually, Mark gave me permission because Mark does that whole permission thing. Wink wink.
That will make more sense as I get further into this post but allow me to start at the beginning. Somewhat the beginning. I "met" Everly when I started posting sexy stories on a sexy story website 10 years ago. (Don't ask, I am not telling). She sent me messages through the site"s personal messaging system and raved about my writing. All right, she didn't rave but she said she enjoyed it immensely. I enjoyed her back and forth so much that we signed up for one of those instant messenger programs and started having something that resembled conversation. This was when she asked me a favor. A huge favor. She wanted me to write a story about her and her husband to give him as a gift for their anniversary. A love story. Romance, sex, love..mushy goodness. I balked. And not for the reasons you may think...
I was nervous. From what I could tell their love story was epic, almost monumental. We had talked about her previous abusive relationship to some degree. Everly's fiance' was verbally abusive. I am not going into detail, but at the end of her relationship with him, she had lost twenty pounds, her self-esteem and cringed when someone shouted. It took her forever for her wounds to heal. Then she met Mark and the true love story began. And there was NO WAY I could do that story justice. I turned her down. She persisted. I turned her down again. She drafted an email to me with all the stuff she wanted to include and sent it to me anyway. After weeks of staring at it....I wrote. And wrote. And without thinking about it...I sent it. She loved it. He loved it. And it forever cemented our friendship. Which is why it took them awhile to tell me the actual truth about their relationship.
Mark is a dominant and Everly is his wife and sub. And they were afraid to tell me because they thought I would judge. Now people, this is 10 years ago. Prior to that trilogy that has tourists cruising the BDSM lifestyle. So their fear was justified. But not necessary. So I asked them if they would talk to me about the true aspects of their relationship and they agreed. They were and are very open with me. Everly admitted that her prior relationship didn't work out because she had always been submissive and her fiance was not into the BDSM lifestyle. (She is probably laughing because I refuse to type the word "vanilla" because it pisses me off). So their relationship turned ugly.
Mark has always been a dominant. He says he can't remember a time he didn't feel that way. And when he found Everly he knew he had found forever. He tells me that she was hesitant, because even though she is a submissive, some of her hard limits turn potential partners away. Not Mark. He knew she belonged to him the second he met her. And as soon as Everly figured out she could trust him...he belonged to her.
Everly is only submissive in their home. Outside of their home she runs a very successful wedding planning business (that's how they met, she planned Mark's brother's wedding) and Mark only desires her to submit in the bedroom. They discussed her hard limits while getting to know each other. She is allowing me to share some of her hard limits here (since I was nosy and asked).
-No humiliation. No name calling, no slurs, no yelling. Ever. He can use pet names, but nothing derogatory.(She explained while sometimes BDSM helps people get over certain issues they have, this would NEVER fly with her.)
-No humiliation as punishment.
-No public or club scenes
-No additional people. It is the two of them only
-No extreme pain
-Others are discussed as needed
These seemed pretty straightforward to me. I asked her what she enjoyed about being Mark's submissive. And she grinned. Mark is a Kinbaku master. Kinbaku (also known as Shibari) is a Japanese style of rope bondage. Kinbaku means "tight binding" and without getting into too much information...I think you get the deal. Plus, there are other things Everly enjoys and we have had multiple enlightening conversations. She swears I am a switch because of my reactions to her stories. And I laugh at her every time she says it.
This brings me to the point of my post. At the time of our meeting, Everly and Mark could not have been more different than I was. I was in my early twenties, in a long term but not necessarily lasting forever relationship and the only thing I did with rope was secure things to the top of my truck. But once they learned that I didn't judge them...they talked freely. They shared with me, I shared with them. And I gained two very awesome and very kinky friends.
They gained someone they could tell that they once used pineapple as a safeword and all the best treatments for rope burns (if for some reason I should ever have a really bad case of it).
To sum up. I think they are great. I don't care what they do in the bedroom. And they don't think I am boring for what I don't do in the bedroom.
Ain't acceptance grand?
BTW- Please forgive me if I messed up some details. I had this written in my head last night and lo and behold...my Internet goes out. And since my sources left for vacation (their anniversary is this week, hence the reminiscing post) I was unable to call and confirm.
I hope you enjoyed the story of my friends.
As always, thanks for reading.
You know it did.
I am actually writing this post to talk about my friends. Don't worry folks, they know I am talking about them. They gave me permission. Well actually, Mark gave me permission because Mark does that whole permission thing. Wink wink.
That will make more sense as I get further into this post but allow me to start at the beginning. Somewhat the beginning. I "met" Everly when I started posting sexy stories on a sexy story website 10 years ago. (Don't ask, I am not telling). She sent me messages through the site"s personal messaging system and raved about my writing. All right, she didn't rave but she said she enjoyed it immensely. I enjoyed her back and forth so much that we signed up for one of those instant messenger programs and started having something that resembled conversation. This was when she asked me a favor. A huge favor. She wanted me to write a story about her and her husband to give him as a gift for their anniversary. A love story. Romance, sex, love..mushy goodness. I balked. And not for the reasons you may think...
I was nervous. From what I could tell their love story was epic, almost monumental. We had talked about her previous abusive relationship to some degree. Everly's fiance' was verbally abusive. I am not going into detail, but at the end of her relationship with him, she had lost twenty pounds, her self-esteem and cringed when someone shouted. It took her forever for her wounds to heal. Then she met Mark and the true love story began. And there was NO WAY I could do that story justice. I turned her down. She persisted. I turned her down again. She drafted an email to me with all the stuff she wanted to include and sent it to me anyway. After weeks of staring at it....I wrote. And wrote. And without thinking about it...I sent it. She loved it. He loved it. And it forever cemented our friendship. Which is why it took them awhile to tell me the actual truth about their relationship.
Mark is a dominant and Everly is his wife and sub. And they were afraid to tell me because they thought I would judge. Now people, this is 10 years ago. Prior to that trilogy that has tourists cruising the BDSM lifestyle. So their fear was justified. But not necessary. So I asked them if they would talk to me about the true aspects of their relationship and they agreed. They were and are very open with me. Everly admitted that her prior relationship didn't work out because she had always been submissive and her fiance was not into the BDSM lifestyle. (She is probably laughing because I refuse to type the word "vanilla" because it pisses me off). So their relationship turned ugly.
Mark has always been a dominant. He says he can't remember a time he didn't feel that way. And when he found Everly he knew he had found forever. He tells me that she was hesitant, because even though she is a submissive, some of her hard limits turn potential partners away. Not Mark. He knew she belonged to him the second he met her. And as soon as Everly figured out she could trust him...he belonged to her.
Everly is only submissive in their home. Outside of their home she runs a very successful wedding planning business (that's how they met, she planned Mark's brother's wedding) and Mark only desires her to submit in the bedroom. They discussed her hard limits while getting to know each other. She is allowing me to share some of her hard limits here (since I was nosy and asked).
-No humiliation. No name calling, no slurs, no yelling. Ever. He can use pet names, but nothing derogatory.(She explained while sometimes BDSM helps people get over certain issues they have, this would NEVER fly with her.)
-No humiliation as punishment.
-No public or club scenes
-No additional people. It is the two of them only
-No extreme pain
-Others are discussed as needed
These seemed pretty straightforward to me. I asked her what she enjoyed about being Mark's submissive. And she grinned. Mark is a Kinbaku master. Kinbaku (also known as Shibari) is a Japanese style of rope bondage. Kinbaku means "tight binding" and without getting into too much information...I think you get the deal. Plus, there are other things Everly enjoys and we have had multiple enlightening conversations. She swears I am a switch because of my reactions to her stories. And I laugh at her every time she says it.
This brings me to the point of my post. At the time of our meeting, Everly and Mark could not have been more different than I was. I was in my early twenties, in a long term but not necessarily lasting forever relationship and the only thing I did with rope was secure things to the top of my truck. But once they learned that I didn't judge them...they talked freely. They shared with me, I shared with them. And I gained two very awesome and very kinky friends.
They gained someone they could tell that they once used pineapple as a safeword and all the best treatments for rope burns (if for some reason I should ever have a really bad case of it).
To sum up. I think they are great. I don't care what they do in the bedroom. And they don't think I am boring for what I don't do in the bedroom.
Ain't acceptance grand?
BTW- Please forgive me if I messed up some details. I had this written in my head last night and lo and behold...my Internet goes out. And since my sources left for vacation (their anniversary is this week, hence the reminiscing post) I was unable to call and confirm.
I hope you enjoyed the story of my friends.
As always, thanks for reading.
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