My Morning with Tank

Howdy folks..I am in a VERY silly mood so what does that equal? Blogging!

So the title of this post will make sense as I delve into my cluster fuck of a morning. You must realize that things like this happen to me often. Hubby would prefer I am chaperoned because I have some run-ins with some seriously interesting people.

My morning started off pretty mundane. Hubby spirited away Little Guy and I was left in the house by myself. I had more time this morning because I was going into work late. More time = complicated hair style. So after some good product application (screw flowers, get me some good curly hair product) I was off to the Town Hall to pay my property taxes. Property taxes fucking suck. Plus, it being the last day of the month, it was going to be a hot mess.

And of course. IT WAS. And because I didn't want to be ridiculously late to work (awesome employee alert) I didn't stop for coffee. Big mistake. EPIC mistake. The line was long. And I mean long. Like free shots and flashes long. So I settled in for the wait, tweeted a few times and generally looked disinterested. I do the disinterested thing because it sometimes discourages creepers from chatting with me. I also need to mention at this juncture I had about 6 dozen snickerdoodle cookies with me. I was bringing them into the office and there was no way I was leaving those damn things in the car. I worked hard on those cookies.

So back to the line. About 20 minutes in, I start to check out the tattoos of the very large man in front of me. Large as in 6' 7" (at least) and a good 325 in the poundage department. He was wearing leathers, a motorcycle club patch and a bandana. He was covered in ink. Some of it being seriously gorgeous and ever so slightly scary/perverse. He had a lot of boobs on him. So I am staring at this tattoo on his neck. I was actually trying to read it, but due to our significant height difference I couldn't make it out. He turned. I was caught. Before I could explain myself, he leaned over..blocking out the sun...and asked me about the tattoo I have on the inside of my right arm. It was only slightly visible over my shirt sleeve.

"Nice ink. Can I see it?" Gigantor asks.

"Absolutely." says Short Stuff (me)

So I pull up my sleeve and show him. This happens to be my most recent tattoo and one of 6 I have. He checked it out and nodded.

"Nicely done. I like the writing. My name is Tank. I need to pay the back taxes on my bike."

Tank???!!!

"My name is Jess. And I am paying taxes on my bad ass Hyundai." (All right, I didn't say bad ass. I am using my creative license.)

"Cool" (Tank indulging me. I know how uncool my Hyundai is.)

"Tank huh? That's kind of cliche. Like Tiny. You couldn't be more creative?"

So I must interject here. I have no filter sometimes...okay A LOT of times. I once told a guy who was obviously hyped on steroids, who was being terrible to his girlfriend, that he was probably pissed that she couldn't find his cock without using a microscope. This was in the grocery store. Hence my husband's desire for me to be chaperoned. So, picking on Tank's name probably falls into don't fuck with roid rage guy territory.

"You are mouthy, but you smell good. By the way, what's in the bag Curly Sue?"

"Cookies."

"Excellent. Can I have some?"

There is a lesson to be learned here folks. If a large man asks you for cookies, you give them to him. So I did. A half a dozen of them, which he ate in line. I mentioned they taste good with coffee. He offered to buy me a cup when we were done. I politely declined.

At this point, we are next to go. I go up to the window, take care of my transaction and leave. Tank is still at the window, eating cookies. The clerk isn't going to say a fucking word...because seriously you wouldn't either. He winks at me as I leave. And I am dazzled by Tank and the fact that he referenced a movie about a curly haired orphan. (Curly Sue. Focus people!)

So that was my morning with my new friend Tank.

I swear I will get back to reviews soon. I just read two books by Lexi Blake that made my girl parts cheer...so I will let you know exactly why when I review them.

Have a good week everyone...and if there are recs for books I should read...let me know!